To the Woman Who Dated My Ex…

I joined LinkedIn to follow a woman who was dating my ex. I wanted to see what the attraction to her versus me was. He was acting towards her in ways he’d never, or at the least very briefly, done with me. Cutting short communication with me, when we had agreed that we would always remain friends. Cancelling plans with me. Changing hygiene patterns. Shopping for new clothes. Sending her flowers for no reason. Pet names.

Getting the COVID vaccine.

What was I missing that she possessed?

In my following her on LinkedIn, my feed algorithm became filled with technology-minded people. MBAs, Data Scientists, PhDs, CEOs, VPs of Strategy…

For a short time, I lamented that I wasn’t in the same sphere. I wasn’t a million-dollar seed investor, a Strategic Account Manager. I can barely do Excel.

Then I stumbled across a woman slightly older than me, who intrigued me. She was a connection of a connection, and one of her comments caught my eye. I scheduled a call with her.

In 30 short minutes, she saw me. Saw my wealth of experiences. Saw my contributions. My colors, if you will.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many people who I know and interact with who see the same things she saw. What hit differently was that it was a complete stranger, over Zoom, in 30 minutes, who saw the same things that those closest to me see. And admire, no less.

It was validating. It was inspiring. It excited me.

In the following days after my call with her, I came to the realization that I’m not afraid of anything. Not even a restraining order (more to follow in another chapter). To name a couple things I am afraid of: heights, and embarrassing others by being me.

The first, I’ll probably never get over. The second, I have faith will come, with a little more work.

Because ultimately, their embarrassment of me, is a “they” problem. I’m not overtly embarrassing. I speak my mind. I don’t put up with (a lot) of bullshit. I’m not shy. I don’t stay put. I don’t like sitting still. I want to learn, experience, and read all the things. Maybe even technology and data science.

Probably not.

So to the woman who briefly dated my ex, I’m just as valuable, smart, and pretty as you. I’m just as Enneagram 8 as you. The differences between you and I are only that you are degreed, younger, skinnier, and you may have overcome your people-pleasing tendencies sooner than I did (which is probably why you dumped my ex). And that’s perfectly perfect for both of us. I love that you had the drive and ambition to get to where you are today. And I love that I myself had the drive, on a completely different path, to get to where I am today.

And if you saw me drive past you the other day, I waved. I wasn’t afraid to stop say hi to you, except it would embarrass my ex.